Lil Nas X has had almost unparalleled success during his short time in the music industry, but that doesn’t mean the young rapper is immune to moments of doubt and disappointment. In a recent cover story with British GQ, Nas remembered a low point after last year’s single “Holiday” didn’t pan out like he thought it would. In fact, he was so upset, Nas told GQ he booked a hotel room just to process his sadness, even breaking down into tears over his feelings.
“I was seeing some nice things,” he told GQ. “But I was seeing a lot of f*cking negativity too. And I was like, ‘Oh sh*t. This is not even in the top 200. Oh god. What the f*ck did I do wrong?”
He even went so far as to tell his manager to cancel an episode of Holiday Plays, a Christmas special starring Miley Cyrus that was scheduled for rehearsals the next day.
“I told my manager, ‘I don’t want to do it,” he continued. “‘Let’s cancel it. Let’s get rid of it. There’s no point. Nobody’s really f*cking with this song.’ I was crying. I was upset with myself. I felt like I’d… failed myself, almost. I was crying like a crazy person. You know one of those times where you cry so hard your f*ckin head hurts? It was like that.”
Little did he know the success of “Montero” was just around the corner, even if more drama was coming there, too, eventually. The life of a pop star/rapper is never fully calm I guess. And even if he was initially a little jealous that Billie Eilish won a Grammy over him, he’s also put that to rest. It’s the growth that’s the best!
Read the full feature here.